Putting Myself Out There, Part Two

I have been as chill as this dog!

On the last day at the plastic surgeon, they have you put on a pink graduation cap and gown.  They take your picture.  You've finished, you're done, life is good.  They also ask you if you would be willing to be a member of their club for former patients.  I said yes, because it was mainly email and therefore not too stressful.  However, I was recently asked if I wanted to be interviewed for a short film about my experiences, to help other women who are about to have reconstruction.

Help other women who are about to have reconstruction? 


The old me(before cancer) would have flat out said, "Nope, no thank you, not interested."   The very idea would have me running in the opposite direction, heading for a hiding place.  Meeting new people really makes me nervous. And to be interviewed on camera?   My anxiety makes me think that people are judging me, making fun of me, with a little paranoia thrown in, and I panic.  Intellectually, I know that I have absolutely NO reason to feel that way.  Emotionally is another story. I know that I'm not the only one out there who feels that way, but when I am in the midst of a panic attack, it sure seems that way.

But the NEW AND IMPROVED me(after cancer) has decided to stop saying "no" to things that scare me.  I said yes.  Then I obsessed 24/7 about all the "what ifs", and had to take a Xanax to calm down.  Actually, I did not do this for once!.  The old me so would have done that, but the new me?  I completely forgot about it, until I got another email asking me when I would be available.  My interview is scheduled for Monday afternoon.  I will try to answer the questions truthfully, without profanity.

I just want to be helpful, and maybe to give back a little of the wonderful support that I received. My experience is a path that many other women have traveled.  I am not unique. Cancer is such a horrific event, no matter what the outcome.  If I can help at least one woman feel a bit more in control of the chaos?  I am more than willing to put myself out there, even if it means doing something scary and terrifying like be on video. 

However, I draw the line at skydiving.  Hard pass.