I'm A Little More Melty Than I Used To Be

When I was younger, air conditioning wasn't really a thing.  Sure, some of the places that we lived had it, but other places didn't.  The temperature didn't rise enough to be concerning.  We opened windows, and a pleasant breeze would move through the house. I can remember falling asleep at my grandparent's house, a soft wind making the curtains flutter, and not in a horror movie way. Occasionally we would turn on a fan to circulate the air.  No problem. We survived without air conditioning, just like our forefathers had before us.  I even opted for a dorm room without air conditioning my first year in college, despite the general rumors about "sweaty women" that circulated on campus.  

I thought about this the other morning, when I woke up to a strange feeling.  I was hot.  Why was I hot?  Was it another hot flash, courtesy of my chemo drug?  Not this time.  This time Larry was hot as well.  As it was early, and we hadn't had our coffee yet, it took us a good thirty minutes to figure out the problem.

Our A/C was broken. 

This realization was generally considered to be a calamity by all in the house.  It's June in Texas, and not only is the temperature up, but the humidity can only be described as "oppressive" with delusions of "tortuous".  Larry called our home warranty company, while I began opening windows and turning on fans.  A slight breeze began blowing through the house. 

"Why are you opening all the windows?" Larry demanded.  Rather than explain my tiny knowledge of thermodynamics("hot air rises!"), I went for my usual answer to all questions.

"Because."

It was early in the morning, and a nice breeze was blowing through the window in the kitchen.  I  sipped my coffee and fondly reminisced about my childhood without air conditioning.  We would be fine. I was calm. The birds were singing outside the open window as I answered the phone. The nice lady at the A/C repair company was more than happy to schedule a time for the service technician to come out and make repairs. 

"Wonderful!" I said.  "When?"

When she said it would be two days, it wasn't so wonderful.  I'm not ashamed to say that I yelled.  Then I begged.  I confessed to hot flashes.  I told her about my cancer.  I would have told her who killed JFK and where Jimmy Hoffa was buried, once I got that ball rolling.  The nice lady was sympathetic, but firm. Two days.  I hung up the phone feeling panicked, as the pleasant early morning breeze stopped. What were we going to do?  TWO DAYS WITHOUT AIR CONDITIONING?????  I hyperventilated a little. I've done this before, I told myself.  I've survived. 

Then I thought about my current sleep patterns, which cycles from ZZZZ--OMG! I AM SO HOT!!! to ZZZ--WHY IS IT SO COLD IN HERE???---ZZZZ--- most of the night.  I'm a little more melty than I used to be, back before electricity.  Without air conditioning, my hot flashes would likely set the bed on fire.  I would not be getting much sleep under those circumstances.  This was not acceptable.  I need my sleep, for everyone's sanity. 

Shopping was in order.  We headed for Walmart and looked at portable air conditioning units.  Larry and I picked one out, loaded up the car, and headed home.  It took over an hour for Larry to translate the directions and put the thing together, but once we did, the machine did cool off the bedroom enough to make sleeping a possibility.  The downstairs might be unhealthily warm, even with the fans, but our bedroom was comfortable cool.  We parked Zane on the floor in the bedroom and invited all the house animals to join us. 

And we survived.