That Really Happened

The year was 2000, and Larry and I had just moved in together, along with my two cats and his yellow Lab.  It was too early in the morning to be awake; I was in the shower, half asleep.  As I rinsed the shampoo from my hair, I felt a disturbance in The Force, my ninja third eye, or something.  I somehow knew that something had fallen from the ceiling, and I opened my eyes and looked at my feet.

What had fallen from the ceiling was a 3-inch-long cockroach. Take a moment to process that visual.  I'll wait.

I am terrified of cockroaches.  I am particularly terrified of cockroaches the size of small dogs.  The only thing that I am more afraid of is a very tiny room full of cockroaches, because I also have raging claustrophobia. And now here was a THREE-INCH-LONG COCKROACH in the shower with me, doing a passable backstroke.

He might have waved. I'm not sure.

I immediately leapt into action.  Screaming, first of all, because that always helps.  Then I went vertical, right out of the tub.  Unfortunately, once I hit the floor, my wet feet started sliding toward the wall opposite the tub.  Trying to stop my sliding feet, I grabbed at whatever was close, which turned out to be the shower curtain...and the towel rack.

I realized my error with the shower curtain as the entire ensemble, curtain and rod, fell on me.  I had the uncontrolled slide to worry about, however.  I gripped the towel rack hard.

And that's when the entire towel rack ripped right out of the wall.

I ended up in a wet, naked heap on the floor, a pile of plaster-covered shower curtain next to me, the sound of the shower suddenly loud.  Somewhere in the distance, I could hear barking.  The bathroom door suddenly rammed into my hip, and my husband-to-be hovered over me.

"What the heck happened?"

I just pointed to the tub while Sandy the Wonder Dog licked the water from my face.  Larry leaned so he could look in the tub. To his credit, he did not laugh.  He turned off the water, helped me up, and found me a dry towel.  Then he and Sandy killed the cockroach so that we could all get back to normal.

Normal being a relative term.




2.) Share one of your “did that really just happen to me” life moments.