Reverse Bucket List

Mamakat's Prompt:  Create a reverse bucket list that names the top ten things you never want to do.


I don't know that I actually have a bucket list.  I have probably the shortest attention span in the universe(okay, probably not), so I may want to backpack Europe one day, and the next day...not so much.  I used to follow the "Grandma" rule, which stipulates that if my grandmother does anything exciting, I have to try it as well.  That's how I ended up getting my ears pierced.  Luckily, that was the extent of my Grandmother's wild oat sowing. 

Where was I?  Essentially, I want to do everything, so why write it down?  A reverse bucket list, however, is just the thing I need.  I may not know the things I want to do, but I certainly know the things that I NEVER want to do. 

1.  Jump out of an airplane.  I know that there are people who think that it is the height of thrilling to leap from an airplane and drop down to the earth.  I happen to think that these people are in serious need of medication.  I have no need of such stimulation.  In fact, I am pretty sure that if I were to attempt to jump out of an airplane, my body would surgically fuse with the the metal of the airplane to prevent such an occurrence.  I am content to have my feet planted firmly on the floor of the airplane with my seat in the upright position.  

2.  Run a marathon.  I see no good reason to run anywhere unless I am being chased.  If you are running, everything goes by in a blur.  You miss a lot, running, and you miss a lot more when you're curled up into the fetal position for a cramp or waiting for your asthma inhaler to work.  I prefer to walk from place to place.  I like to look around.  I like to perambulate. Perambulate is such a relaxing word!

3.  Be president.   I could be the Queen.  I have the wave down pat, and the current Queen and I are similarly shaped, so it's assured that the crown would fit.   There is no way in hell that I would ever consider being the President of this country.  That man is supposed to be the leader of our country, of course.  He's supposed to be in charge of running things.  Instead, he is constantly forced to listen to whining. 24/7, nothing but whining.  If whining is not happening that minute, then there are demonstrators outside of where ever the POTUS is, screaming and whining about something else. Even if the people whining get what they want, they still whine about it.  I loathe whining. I would go nuts! Don't even get me started on the whining done by Congress.

4.  Perform open-heart surgery   The surgeon must cut throuth the skin on the chest, then cut through the bone.  Then the chest must be cracked, opened wide enough to offer the heart up for repairs.  The idea of being up to my elbows in anyone's innards is the stuff of my nightmares.  Ick.

5.  Spend any time in a room full of cockroaches  I know that God made all things on the earth for a purpose.  Everything exists for a reason.  Great.  Stay the eff away from me with your icky colored wings and your slithering between things and your showing up in obscure places. 

6.  Camp out in Africa.  I would love to see Africa.  I would love to spend time exploring Africa.  From the safety of a motel room.  Truly, I do not need to sleep with the lion pride 20 feet off to my left in order to appreciate their magnificence.  I'll take your word for it.

7.  Live in a submarine  When I had an MRI, I discovered that I was claustrophobic.  Very claustrophobic.  I even have trouble getting into elevators and sitting in backseats.  And it has become worse.  More that 20 minutes on a sub would result in many casualties as I clawed my way through the bulkhead.

8.  Walk barefoot in Australia  I know that people live in Australia.  Everyone loves Australia.  Yay!  Australia! It is perfect in every way.  Except for the snakes.  And the spiders.  All of them extremely...poisonous.  Yay! Why would anyone want to wander about without shoes on?   Shoes and really, really think leather pants. 

9.  Travel in space  Space looks exciting, with all that vast nothingness happening.  But I don't want to go.  It is bad enough to be on a boat and look around and see nothingness.  If the window on your cabin cracks, you'll be sucked out of the ship  like a straw.   And if you manage to make it to your destination, it may be time to call out the Calvary. 

10.  Be probed by an alien.   There may be some poor schlub, sitting in his parent's basement, , thinking that an alien abduction would be a great way to meet chicks.  Not this chick!   If you're not going to take me out on the town, feed me, and get me drunk, no probing for you!