Remembered: Unfulfilled

Prompt:  This week we’d like you to write a memoir piece about an unfulfilled goal or a broken resolution, beginning with the words, “I knew what I wanted”.  If this sucks, I apologize.  I am extremely tired and fighting off a migraine.


I knew what I wanted. I wanted to lose thirty pounds.  I was going on this diet, I was going to exercise, and dammit, that lard around my stomach was just going to melt off in the face of my determination.  I would be bikini ready by May.   I didn't really see a problem; the weight would just fall off once I started exercising.  This would be so EASY!

I had willpower.

The diet I was on was very restricted,  the portions tiny.   I felt as though I were in the desert, eating a mirage of food, while my tummy did the rumbly thing, usually in the middle of class.  I didn't want to disturb my peers and upset my professors.   It was for the benefit of others that I brought a candy bar to snack on; not everyone is able to focus on their studies with the rumble of empty stomachs rolling about.

The exercise involved running. Lots and Lots of running.  My breath burned a hole in my chest in order to allow a secondary access point  to fill up my lungs with air.  My kneecaps grinding together with every step.  It was a gruelingly strenuous three flights of stairs. I had to drink a gallon of Gatorade to get my electrolytes recharged. Who knew that Gatorade and KitKat bars tasted so well together?

After all that work, I needed to come home and relax with the television, closing my eyes.   A large bowl of popcorn was in my hands when I woke up!   Dang, it's slathered with salt butter, too.  But I can't let it  go to waste, because I would feel bad.   Starving kids in China and all that. 

I gained 10 pounds in a month.  Depression set in.  I felt horrible, and drowned my sorrows in pizza and beer.  Obviously, I was meant to be sort-of-round-shaped.