The First of the Lasts

Three weeks ago was my last chemotherapy treatment. I was supposed to have a one week break, but like Bill Murray said to Chevy Chase in Caddyshack, I wanted to just "cannonball" it. Get it done, out of the way, over with.  Luckily, my blood cells cooperated, and my last chemo treatment went off without a hitch.  The mediport didn't even act up.  It was just like any other day.  Except that the rest of the crowd would be back next Tuesday, and I would not.  Larry and I shook everyone's hand and hugged where appropriate as we left. 

And that was that.

The last chemo.  The first of the lasts that I will be encountering on this cancer journey.  

Next up will be the last radiation treatment, in six or so weeks. 

Then a hysterectomy and oophorectomy, so that I don't have to deal with the possibility of the ovarian cancer that I am at risk for due to the BRCA1 mutation.  Followed by the big surgery--mastectomy and breast reconstruction.  I'm told that they tattoo you some nipples so that you look mostly normal. I'm not sure what normal is any more, but okay.

I'll take a pill for five years to reduce the likelihood of recurrence, since my cancer is estrogen receptive.  I'll periodically have tests to make sure that everything is still okay.  At one point, I'll find myself having the last PET scan, the last MRI, the last blood test.  But then one day, that will be the last of those tests, and I'll be considered cancer free.

But chemo is done, the first of the last, the hardest of my hurdles.  I feel as though I should be finished already, because I never thought I would make it through chemo.  Times when it hurt too much to even drink water, and I wanted to just it to stop.  Times when I was just too tired to get out of bed, even though I really had to pee.  Times when I couldn't button my son's pants because I can't feel the tips of my fingers. Times when I just wanted to quit, to say I was done. 

But I kept going, and got through it. The first of the lasts is done.  Time to climb the next mountain.

picture: free clip art from Google

**while I'm at home and resting, I'm writing.  I just usually forget to hit the 'publish' button, because, cancer.  I'm just now getting around to actually sharing some of what I've written, and trying to read up on some of my favorite blogs.   I hope to catch up some day!