A perhaps unintended comment
A clean, deep slice, and
I cringe
As pain
Surges, rushing
From cell to cell
At the speed of an
Electrical pulse
To my heart
Before the first
Bright drop of blood
Begins to ooze
From the wound.
"Surges, rushing from cell to cell"--I love this line because it describes not only the speed with which words can hurt us but also the sometimes all-encompassing enormity of the hurt.
I like the way you've ordered things here: the cut, the cringe, then the pain, and finally the blood. It's a perfect metaphor for what words do to us. Great job! Thanks for gargleblasting with us again this week!
Love how clean and crisp your language is in this. Just like the cut at the beginning. Nicely done!
ReplyDeleteBrilliant. People think words don't hurt but they can cut just as deep as a kitchen knife.
ReplyDeleteYou cringe before the pain or the blood. This is so true when cut with a sharp blade or with sharp words. Well done.
ReplyDeleteSharp words hurt deeper and are slower, harder to heal than the obvious slash of a knife.
ReplyDeleteLove your description here.
ReplyDeleteI love this "biology" imagery and the how the rhythm reflects the sense of the poem.
ReplyDelete"Surges, rushing from cell to cell"--I love this line because it describes not only the speed with which words can hurt us but also the sometimes all-encompassing enormity of the hurt.
ReplyDeleteI love the way this spread, and all that pain from an unintended comment too. Wonderfully portrayed.
ReplyDeleteGood one! I love your writing.
ReplyDeleteNice imagery. I saw the cut, and I felt the pain.
ReplyDeleteWow, this is beautiful, crisp and heartbreaking, all at once.
ReplyDeleteSuccint and painful
ReplyDeleteSad and yet, so beautiful. Words can cause a lot of pain...
ReplyDeleteLove how you make it all about the cut, but how the hurt comes straight from the heart. < 3
ReplyDeleteI like the way you've ordered things here: the cut, the cringe, then the pain, and finally the blood. It's a perfect metaphor for what words do to us. Great job! Thanks for gargleblasting with us again this week!
ReplyDeleteSo very true. Good writing.
ReplyDelete