INTENTION (noun)
1: a determination to act in a certain way : resolve
2: import, significance
3a : what one intends to do or bring about
b : the object for which a prayer, mass, or pious act is offered
Carl's attention often wandered as he sat in the third row at the Tabernacle Church of the Redemption. The Tabernacle, as it was known, had been founded by his great grandfather, and Carl felt obligated to attend services, even when he wasn't feeling particularly Christian. His mind was on other things this morning. Other things being Miss Elizabeth's ample bosom, the smooth skin on her backside, and that little mole on the inside of her thigh, just above the top of her stocking. Not to mention her homemade fried chicken. Carl's mouth watered, but he wasn't sure which image was responsible.
"Let us pray, my brothers and sisters. Let us offer this prayer for a divine purpose. Let us join our voices in prayer to the good Lord with the intention that the soul of our brother Carl Jenkins may be lifted into the heavens to sing praises with the Heavenly Host."
Carl snapped out of his reverie. Intentions were usually offered for the souls of the dead, and Carl was confused. He looked around the church at the bowed heads, the clasped hands lifted up in supplication. As the worshipers prayed aloud for his immortal soul, Carl found their praying to be strangely soothing and horribly frightening at the same time.
"My brothers and sisters, now I will confess to you that I have sinned." Carl could see the sheen of sweat on the man's forehead, his eyes closed in shame as he revealed his true nature to his flock.
"I have sinned this very day. I confess." Pastor Randy raised his voice to the congregation. "I confess that I found my wife with another man. I confess that I got my gun and I shot that man. It was my intention to kill him, and I did. I humbly beg your forgiveness, my brethren."
Recognition like a bolt of lightning slammed through Carl, and he remembered. He deeply regretted the fact that he never got to eat that homemade fried chicken.
Oh my! (giggle)
ReplyDeleteHehe...
DeleteHa! I would regret that as well!
ReplyDeleteSmiled the whole way through this one! "he wasn't sure which image was responsible" for his mouth watering is when it really ramped up for me. So funny. Run like hell, Carl.
ReplyDeleteYou had me from the first line-extremely intriguing & "delicious";-)I also learnt somethings-I have never been to a church & had no idea what an "intention" is in that context-thank you for explaining.Loved the surprise thrown in so casually-what a great story:-)Only one question was Miss Elizabeth the Pastor's wife-i mean the "miss" is confusing or was the Pastor's wife someone else ,who made great fried chicken too (& Carl was fond of sleeping around?)
ReplyDeleteYes, Elizabeth was the pastoe's wife. The Miss is a typo.
DeleteThanks for reading!
Great story! I really enjoyed this one! Excellent writing! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteI hadn't expected that ending. Both funny and surprising. Well done!
ReplyDeleteGreat ending! I loved it :D
ReplyDeleteI love a good twist ending. This slipped neatly into place. Love the humor and nicely written!
ReplyDeletePoor Carl was in an awkward place!
ReplyDeleteOooh, I like how you did this. I read it too quickly the first time, but the second time it fell into place. Kind of funny that he regretted not eating the chicken, but was okay with sleeping with another man's wife!
ReplyDeleteOh, and just so you know, I have Maroon 5's song Wake Up Call in my head now. If I scream it will wake everyone else up :(
ReplyDeleteLove how twisted it is - a funny ghost story and missed opportunity for fried chicken!
ReplyDelete