"It's not enough to want to live," the voice wheezed.
Karnes was in what was left of the cargo hold, but his soft voice carried in the darkness. I knew then that my shot had landed; the wet sound of his breathing told me that I had hit a lung, at least.
"What are you going on about, Karnes?" I needed to keep the man speaking. The cargo hold was a vast, black cavern, and my ears were ringing from previous gunfire. It was impossible to see in the blackness of the hold, so my aim would be based on sound--the sound of a dying man's voice.
"You heard me, Jones," Karnes' voice lingered, a bit of an echo in the almost empty chamber. "It's not enough just to want to live in these times. You got to survive."
"What the hell does that even mean?" I felt exasperated. Karnes, about to die, waxed poetic. Just like every other dead man.
"What I mean, Jones, is that a body has to want to survive," Karnes' wheezing let me know that his lung was collapsing, compromising his breathing. "You've got to want to go on, to make something of yourself, to prosper, in spite of the world ending."
"So you're saying that if I want to survive I need to prosper?" I raised my gun; I almost had the man who killed my father.
"Not money, you dumb fool," Karnes' whispered irritation was weak in the darkness. "Didn't your father teach you a danged thing? Prospering ain't got a dang thing to do with money, and you dang well know it!"
"Yeah, I know it," I was perhaps a bit flippant. "You're dying, Karnes. You know it. Any last wishes?"
"I wish that you remember this conversation, you fool." Karnes' voice was almost a memory. "Your daddy would have wanted you to survive, no matter what. I want you to---"
I lowered my gun, grateful that I didn't have to aim in the dark.
Okay, so I'm trying to do two things at once. We will see how it goes.
That gives us a nice segue into our one-word prompt of the week. This week we want you to write on the third definition of survive
Write at the Merge
For this week, we’re giving you the song below and the word: Wish (and the song Past and Pending by the Shins)
Trying to do two things at once, huh? I'd say ... RESULT!
ReplyDeleteAt least this time--multi-tasking is not my forte!
DeleteNice! I love that you challenge yourself like this. You never fail to deliver.
ReplyDeleteMy concrit is that I'm confused as to where "I" was and where "he" was: the phrase "what was left of the cargo hold" followed by "I knew then that my shot landed." Did I miss a scene? Other than that, an excellent job indeed!
You're right. It all seemed so clear in my head!
DeleteThis feels very real and is a poignant story. A lot of history has transpired between these characters. I want to read more!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteNow I want to know what brought these characters to this point, and how they relate to each other. Great piece!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
Deletewow, look at you with the two prompts...you WORD LADY.
ReplyDeletethis was very good, the feeling you would get in your belly, that anxiety, the sweet of revenge, it was all there.
Sorry I've been MIA..but it was nice to come back here and see your amazing words. :)
Karnes, about to die, waxed poetic. Just like every other dead man.
ReplyDeleteThat is a very funny line.
Nice and compactly done! It's interesting that Karnes allegedly killed Jones's father yet is spending his last breaths talking about what he would have wanted for Jones. It makes the story compelling enough to want to know what comes both before and after while still letting it feel like a complete piece here.
ReplyDelete(applause) you did a great job with the 2 prompts, with a very worthwhile outcome.
ReplyDeleteFantastic use of two prompts!
ReplyDeleteI think that the relationship between Karnes and Jones's father is the most interesting part of this -- wonder what caused a fall-out deep enough to kill over, yet which didn't affect the goodwill Karnes has towards Jones...
This story is really good! I hope we get to read more.
ReplyDeleteI think the dialogue is great. Moves the story along.
ReplyDeleteDialog is very good. Excellent work on the intrigue. What the heck happened between these two? I'd like to know. And I love the line when Kames, about to die, waxed poetic - like every other dead man. The determined attitude behind that comes through. Nice work!
ReplyDeleteSuch a perfect little teaser. So curious as to what happened to the father and why Karnes seems to care so much. Much gold to be mined here.
ReplyDeleteGreat job with 2 prompts! I love how you dropped in bits hinting of a possibly long relationship (or link) between them. I'd be interested to read more!
ReplyDeleteWell done! I'm curious about the relationships between Karnes and the Joneses. There seems to be much underlying history here.
ReplyDeleteI love that you push yourself with our prompts, and always with such excellent results! The tension between a dying man and his killer, with such a complicated relationship? Ooh!
ReplyDelete