I've decided after all these years that I just need to accept that I am a Fixer. Not a Harvey Keitel in Pulp Fiction sort of a Fixer. If you tell me that you have a problem, I immediately want to tell you how to fix that problem. That kind of a Fixer.
Fixing a problem is sort of like breathing to me. It's as if my brain does that Google search thing where it tries to helpfully anticipate and throw in words and phrases based on your history, and an answer spits out before a person has even finished talking. Sometimes just the look on a person's face has me thinking "Dump the bum!" before they even open their mouth! It's like I'm a Dr. Phil-type who has had way too many cups of coffee.
I won't say anything out loud, of course. Not anymore. Although I love to be helpful, I keep my mouth shut tight. It's a well known fact that people don't like being told what to do. It's also a well known fact that nobody likes a know-it-all. But that's not why I keep quiet.
I stay silent because I don't want the responsibility.
Other people's problems can be a social quagmire. If I am correct in my suggestions, then I am the smartest person on the planet, according to the person who requested my advice.
If I am incorrect, which I am more times than I'd like, whatever happened is my fault. Never mind that I specifically mention that I am giving an opinion. Never mind that I tell them to make their own decision. It doesn't matter. If I am wrong, it is my fault, and I am expected to take full responsibility for ruining everything for them.
Seriously? Everyone is so hellbent on not accepting responsibility for any choice they make that nothing gets done. This is not very efficient, people! I can't do everything around here!
My husband is always after me to 'just let things be' and to not worry about other people. I drive him nuts with my 'fix everything NOW' tendencies. I've decided to try it his way. I promised him that I would try to fix my tendency to want to fix everything. My plan is to have a margarita every time the urge to solve anyone else's problems arises. Or a bellini if it is before noon.
It is a sure thing that if I am unconscious, I can let things be.
I have a few problems that I'd LOVE for someone to fix! :P Seriously, though, when you ask for advice it's just that... advice. Take it or leave it but don't blame the advice giver!
ReplyDeleteI avoid giving advice like it's the black plague. Very dangerous territory there. Two of the greatest life lessons my father ever taught me were to keep my mouth shut and mind my own business. Growing up I watched LOTS of family drama, which my dad was NEVER involved in. The man is Switzerland. I can't say the same for my mom, so that kind of reinforced his points.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the new approach.
That's great! I try to steer clear of other peoples problems. I have enough of my own!
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