It's Sunday, and I have just had the most exhausting weekend ever. And not in a good way. But whatever.
Why do people get zits on the inside of their nostrils? I can totally understand that a person might have acne on the outside of the nose, but the inside?
My son has watched the entire LOTR trilogy(Lord of the Rings). The other day he asked me if Gandalf pooped. I don't think that Tolkien ever covered that in any of the bajillions of hours he spent developing Middle Earth. Should I write to Christopher Tolkien about this? I winged it; I said 'yes'.
You never hear any good tongue twisters anymore. I really liked those as a kid; I think that it helped me to enunciate my words better. I hate it when people who are talking have a mushy mouth. Especially when they work the drive through window.
Pregnant women get doors opened for them, get their bags carried, etc. Just because they are freakin' preggers. To heck with that! If you want to impress me with your chivalry, men, open the door for me and offer to carry my bags when I have a wriggling, screaming four year old in my arms. THEN I'll say that you're totally awesome.
If you have to tattoo the word 'COWBOY' on your arm...you aren't. Why do I need to tell you that? Should I ever rule the world, these sorts of people will be hunted down and branded like cattle.
Why do I see overweight people riding around stores in those motorized chairs? If there's anyone out there who needs to burn some calories, it's them! And weight bearing exercise is good for the bones! Those people make me think of Wall-E.
I already know that I will be one of those elderly people who whacks people with my cane when they are impertinent. Should I start practicing now? I already have a list of people to whack.
I am tired of happy meals, fun meals, etc. Those are too damned cheerful. I want a Surly meal, that comes with a fifth of vodka, a masseuse, and a really big stick. Or two really big sticks. In case I break one.
We are watching the Walking Dead in my house, mostly because it rocks. But I have questions. Such as how does what is essentially a dead person eat? The muscles that govern food intake don't work, nor does digestion occur. How do they smell living things if they are dead? Also, do zombies poop?
"Why do I see overweight people riding around stores in those motorized chairs? If there's anyone out there who needs to burn some calories, it's them! And weight bearing exercise is good for the bones! Those people make me think of Wall-E."
ReplyDeleteFrom a fat person? Thank you and AMEN!!!!
Also, "The Walking Dead" is being filmed less than 5 miles from my house. ;) Wanna come be a zombie? They're constantly casting for different parts.
Every single one of these thoughts sparked something in me (like being whacked with a cane). Ouch, the nose zigs...damn the faux cowboys (but what letters will you brand them with)...chivalry is dead-and women can stop letting the door close in my face behind them, regardless of what I am or am not carrying...professor Paul pickles privately probed his proboscis? I loved you a little more with each line!
ReplyDelete@Supah--that would be awesome to get to play a zombie on that show!
ReplyDelete@Andrea--I remember that tongue twister, because at the time I had to go look up the word 'proboscis'. The 's' ones still give me trouble!
Re: How do zombies eat. I refer you to The Dead Tossed Waves. Those zombies were created by people getting an infection that killed the person and then revived body parts... not the soul. Just body parts essential for movement, smelling, eating, etc. I'm not sure about the pooping, though. She never mentioned that the hordes had to take potty breaks but maybe she thought (after all the bloody graphic material) that describing zombie poop would be too much.
ReplyDeleteAnd hooray for Zane watching LOTR! I haven't been able to convince my kids to sit through the whole trilogy. We'll have to work on that.