The Plank

There was a time when I was quite a bit more active. I lifted weights. I did Jazzercise. I walked the park with my neighbor. I did Curves. I had to quit all that when I was pregnant because it was an extremely high risk pregnancy and my team of doctors told me to limit my activities. I really never got back into the exercise routine, and so I would describe myself as sedentary.

Some of the people in my office are not sedentary. Their "chocolate to workout ratio"(1 piece of chocolate for every fifteen minutes of exercise) is much more healthy than mine. I often buy extra chocolate to compensate for this.

The lady in the cubicle next to mine, Kim, was talking about doing the "Plank", and how it was very good for your abdominal muscles. That got my attention; I had to jump over the cubicle wall to hear all about it. Actually, I sighed heavily, pushed myself out of my chair and walked around the cubicle wall so I could give proper eye contact. But jumping over the cubicle wall sounded pretty awesome in my head, and that thought was more exercise than I usually get.

Anyway, THIS is the Plank. Go look at that picture; I'll wait. (You have to click on the link because I haven't figured out how to get the picture to show up over here. Sorry!)

You are supposed to be able to hold that position for 30 seconds.

More of our coworkers showed up to talk, one thing led to another(it usually does that) and then suddenly we ALL had to try it. This sort of competition is usually observed in the males of our species when beer is present, and I wondered briefly why we needed to do this. In the inevitable flow of peer pressure, however, I had to agree to try it. Yet I will admit that inside my head I was cringing in a corner.

The first person, who is only a few years younger than me, was able to do it.

The next person, who is a few years older than me, was able to do it.

The only guy in our office, of course, had NO DIFFICULTY.

One by one, the other five were able to pull it off.

I hated them all at that moment, but it was a hatred born of fear. The only strength exercise I had been doing was picking up my son. Would I be able to do this? Would my arms fail me?

I got down on the floor and 'assumed the position'.

"Okay, start timing," I said.

"Your butt is sticking up," Kim helpfully pointed out.

"Yeah," another coworker seconded. "Your body needs to form a straight line."

"I am straight," I said. "Start timing."

"Really," Kim said again. "Your butt is sticking up."

She meant well; good form and alignment is important in these situations. Except for the fact that I have a larger than average sized butt.

My arms were burning like they were on fire.

"My butt is sticking up because it is a BIG butt," I growled through clenched teeth. "Now. Start. Timing."

I know that I had been holding that position for WAY longer than thirty seconds, and I was ready to punch someone right in the face. Too many timekeepers spoil the Plank competition. As soon as my time was up, I let my knees hit the floor. It was a few seconds before my arms unclenched enough for me to use them to get up and hobble back to my cubicle.

And people wonder why I am so cranky at work.