Changes in Routines are Not Good for Me.

We spend every morning as we drive to daycare rehearsing with Zane what will happen when we get to the daycare. We talk about what room he will be going to, which teacher he might have, which friends might be there, and what sorts of activities might occur. We do all of this because I do not want my son to have a fit when we get to the daycare and have to leave him. For a long time, it seemed as though any little change in his routine would ruin his whole day.

Most days this schtick works well. I walk Zane into the daycare and leave him in his classroom, he runs off without a second glance, and everything is wonderful. Some days are not so great, ususally when Zane doesn't get enough sleep or is getting sick. On those days, Zane clings to me, cries, the teacher has to pry him off of me and carry him to the other side of the room so I can leave. I hate those days. They seem to set a tone. To sum up, as long as every day is exactly the same, everything is cool.

Except that every day is NOT exactly the same. Sometimes the teacher is late. Sometimes we are running late. Sometimes the teacher is sick. Sometimes the door lock code thingamajig doesn't work and we can't get in. Sometimes the preferred temperature is not available. Lots of little things that we can't always predict, and we won't know until we walk in the door. Zane has to learn to roll with it, because they are part of everyone's life. And I guess that I need to learn to roll with those changes as well. (Yes, I know that's an REO Speedwagon song. That's another post for another time.)

This morning when we walked into the daycare, the first teacher that we saw told us to take Zane to sit with the "Big Kids". Huh? went my tiny brain. He pointed in a direction, and that's the way we went. To the "Big Kids" room. My baby. Going to be the the "Big Kids". I'm getting myself worked up, I can feel it. What kind of kids are these "Big Kids"? Are they going to be nice to my boy? Does this teacher know Zane? Is he going to freak out about the whole thing? Are we going to have a meltdown? There was a lot more where all that came from. When this sort of thing happens, I hear the Red Alert alarm from the original Star Trek series in my head.

We arrived at the "Big Kids" room. I take a deep breath. I look around. The other kids did not appear to be all that big. In fact, they are all just about the same size as Zane. Check that one off the Gargantuan List of Anxieties. The teacher is someone I recognize as having worked with Zane previously. Check that one off the List as well. It's almost 8am, his regular teacher should be here soon, so that's checked off. I take another deep breath.

And as I am standing there, thinking that I am so secretly wrestling with my own anxieties, Zane pulls on my hand. I look down.

"It's okay, Mama," he says. "Now calm down."