How Plain Does Plain English Need to Be?

Larry stayed home with Zane yesterday, both of them sick with a stomach bug. I went to work, since the evil bug did not hit me until later in the afternoon. I got a text from Larry.

"What should I feed Zane?" it says.

"Plain bread, crackers, plain pasta" I texted back.

"What kind of pasta?" comes the reply.

"Macaroni." I text.

"Being specific is helpful." he shoots back.

"I AM being specific. Plain macaroni noodles." I type. Who doesn't know this stuff? My husband, apparently.

"With cheese? Kraft? Adult? Kids?" comes the reply.

"PLAIN NOODLES." My eyes are rolling so far into the back of my head that my coworker was concerned that I might be having a seizure. And to be honest, I wasn't sure myself. But SURELY, this time, he got it, right? No.

Your specificity leaves much to be desired." was the response. And I had had enough.

"Ask your mother." I texted, proverbially passing the ball. I figured that since she raised him, she could explain it to him.