My Kingdom for a Good Bra

I read somewhere that most women are wearing the wrong size bra, and that this is not a good thing. I agree wholeheartedly that the wrong bra is a bad situation. When the straps keep falling off your shoulder or you are otherwise having to pull the bra down or move the cups or adjust your accoutrements constantly, the world is not a happy place.

I honestly don't think that this particular issue is entirely the fault of women. I am one of those who has actually measured myself according to the sizing recommendations of most companies. I am supposed to be a 40C. Should be a simple thing to walk into a store and buy a 40C, right?

Not. You also have to see if the bra is a pushup bra, or a minimizer, or for fuller figures(just freakin' say 'FAT'--we all know that's what you're thinking). There's a bra if you're wearing a t-shirt, a bra if you're wearing a strapless dress, and a bra if you're running a marathon, among other activities. There may even be a specific bra required if you get to serve tea to the Queen, for all I know. All of these different types of bras fit differently. So while a 40C in a minimizer bra might fit, a 40C in a pushup is a different story. And the only way to figure this out is to try them on, so I do. I end up buying anywhere from a 36D to a 42B, depending on the bra and my patience, but the bras I buy fit me when I leave the store.

I leave the store with bras that fit, check. Except they only seem to fit for one wearing. After that, the straps start to slide off my shoulders, the back rides up, the cups all of a sudden are too big, etc. What the heck is up with that, bra makers?

Case in point: I just bought one of those ASSETS bras that they sell in Target. This bra is supposed to be BRILLIANT, it says on the label. It has special hooks on the straps that are on the underside of the straps so that everything looks smooth on the outside. The back of the bra is a stretchy material so that everything back there is smooth underneath clothing. And the scrawny model wearing the bra looks very comfortable, which is definitely a good recommendation in my book.

Except that those hooks on the straps keep coming unhooked while I am wearing the bra. Which means that the straps become loose and...guess where I am going with this? I don't think that I have overly high expectations for bras. All I want is a bra that fits consistently, with straps that stay secure and a back that doesn't ride up, that makes me look exactly like one of those Victoria's Secret models. That isn't too much to ask, is it?

I nominate myself to be an official bra tester. If a bra fits me, and continues to fit me after a month or so, then it's a good bra and is ready for public consumption. If it does not meet those requirements, the bra is not acceptable and should be sent back to the factory. Maybe the bad bras could be recycled...I hear hats are making a comeback.